


Good Men, Fall To Dusk

by apfelgranate



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Birthday of the World - Ursula K. Le Guin
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fusion, F/M, M/M, Parallel Universes, Sedoretu
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-29
Updated: 2014-05-30
Packaged: 2018-01-23 22:44:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1582109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/apfelgranate/pseuds/apfelgranate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky Barnes is Evening moiety, Steve Rogers is Morning. They want to get married; they’re just looking for the right women.</p>
<p>Bucky Barnes is Evening moiety, Steve Rogers is Morning. They want--</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Days of Winter Sunshine](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1552958) by [KeevaCaereni](https://archiveofourown.org/users/KeevaCaereni/pseuds/KeevaCaereni). 



> Sedoretu are four-way marriages on the Planet of O, which appears in The Birthday Of The World by Ursula K. LeGuin. Society is divided into two moieties, called the Morning and the Evening. You belong to your mother's moiety, and you can't have sex with anybody of your own moiety. A sedoretu is a marriage comprised of a man and a woman from the Morning moiety and a man and a woman from the Evening moiety. (The [fanlore wiki entry](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Sedoretu) has a little more detail, for those interested.)

1\. Bucky Barnes is Evening moiety, Steve Rogers is Morning. They want to get married; they’re just looking for the right women.

In Steve’s cramped little apartment in Brooklyn, Steve sometimes sits on the fire escape, legs dangling, and sketches. Bucky gets two beers and a blanket and joins him, because Steve, despite his thin frame, doesn’t always notice when he gets cold. Steve’s fingers are icy when Bucky takes them and jams them under his shirt, up against the skin of his belly.

 _I swear to god_ , Bucky mutters, _the cold is gonna get you before asthma or picking fights with guys twice your size ever will, you stubborn prick._

Steve grins. There is charcoal on his fingertips and Bucky can feel how it rubs off on his skin when Steve shuffles closer. There is dark blood in the corner of his mouth, where his lip split two days ago, because he wouldn’t back down from a fight. Bucky can taste copper and cheap beer when Steve leans in to fit their mouths together.

Later, when Bucky is hooking his legs over Steve’s narrow, narrow hips to pull him in, he mumbles promises; that they’ll find the right women and that they’ll get a bigger, a better place than this, one where they’ll have enough space for two full beds, where the piping doesn’t screech every time you take a shower, where the mold doesn’t have to be scratched from the crevices every few weeks, where the lighting is decent so Steve doesn’t have to sit out on the fire escape to sketch.

Afterwards, Steve says that he doesn’t mind. Although, two full beds would be nice, wouldn’t it? Steve has a half, and they can only sleep in it together because Steve is so small, and Bucky doesn’t move much in his sleep.

2\. Then, the war. Bucky gets drafted. Bucky doesn’t have two spouses – three, because there’s no way in hell anyone would ever let Steve enlist – for whom it might be justified to stay. Steve wants to fight, too, but there’s no way in hell anyone would ever let Steve enlist. They still go on dates. One tour for Bucky, come back a veteran if not a hero at least, find the right women, waste hours picking rings, that’s the plan.

 _You’re kind of missing the point of a full date_ , Bucky says. Steve shrugs a little, looks at the enlistment posters again. (The problem isn’t finding a Morning woman, not really.)

 _Don’t do anything stupid until I get back_ , Bucky says.

 _How can I? You’re taking all the stupid with you_ , Steve calls after him. Bucky turns around and shakes his head with a snort. He steps right up to Steve, calls him an asshole and kisses him, deep, one arm slung around Steve’s skinny shoulders. Steve grabs him right back, fingers bunching into the neat fabric of Bucky’s uniform. Steve doesn’t let him go for almost a minute.

Then, Abraham Erskine asks Steve Rogers if he wants to kill Nazis.

3\. Peggy Carter is Evening moiety.

 _Don’t you like music?_ Bucky asks. He’s a little unsteady on his feet because he’s half drunk, because he was tortured for weeks and then spent a night walking thirty-five miles through dirt and snow, and he still hasn’t gotten a full night’s sleep since. Also because Steve kissed him for the first time since the World Expo, after he asked if Steve was going to keep the uniform.

 _I do, actually_ , Peggy says, and she’s looking at Steve. _I might even, when this is all over, go dancing._

_Then what are we waiting for?_

_The right--partners_ , she says. She looks from Steve, to Bucky. Her smile changes a little, but it stays as sincere, and as red as her dress. Steve and Bucky look at each other. Steve is blushing, his entire face glowing with it. Bucky, who has been smiling only with his mouth until now--

Bucky’s face goes soft, and happy.

(The problem wasn’t finding a Morning woman, not really.)

4\. Bucky is Evening, Steve is Morning, Peggy is Evening. They want to get married, after the war. They just have to find the right Morning woman.

5\. Bucky is Evening, Steve is Morning, Peggy is Evening. They want to get married, after--

6\. On the front lines, there are no full beds. In Steve’s cramped apartment in Brooklyn, Bucky and him sometimes slept in Steve’s half, but now that Steve isn’t small anymore, and Bucky moves in his sleep--

When they get three cots dragged into Steve’s tent – Steve gets his own, Captain’s privileges, Bucky made a disparaging comment about that in the afternoon and got a face full of snow for it once they were alone – Peggy is the first to wake when Bucky starts screaming in his sleep.

7\. Peggy wears deep red lipstick and nail polish like it’s weaponry. The lipstick isn’t the best kind, it’s difficult enough to get it at all in war, and so it doesn’t stay on very well when she eats or drinks something. Or once, when she--

Once, Bucky ends up with a smudge of red on his lower lip.

(Steve remembers, a Morning woman, cotton candy on her lips, telling Bucky to _Come and get it, soldier_. Bucky kissed her, and then he kissed Steve, and he tasted like sugar.)

8\. The war, HYDRA, Armin Zola. The train.

_Bucky, grab my hand--_

9\. The war, the train, a bombed out bar--

A bombed out bar, a beer and a glass of something that is very nearly rubbing alcohol. Steve is crying. He tells Peggy that he’s going to finish this glass of something that is very nearly rubbing alcohol, and then he’s going to go after HYDRA, and that he won’t rest until all of them are either dead or captured.

Peggy isn’t crying, but her eyes are wet.

She takes the glass, downs it in one pull and gets up. She tells Steve that they have work to do.

10\. Peggy Carter is Evening moiety. Steve Rogers was Morning, and Bucky Barnes was Evening. They were going to get married, after--

( _I might even, when this is all over, go dancing_ , says Peggy Carter.)


	2. Chapter 2

1\. Bucky Barnes is Evening moiety, Steve Rogers is Morning. They want to get married; they’re just looking for the right women.

They have a full date at Coney Island. Last time, when it was just the two of them, Bucky talked Steve into riding the Cyclone, and Steve threw up. The girls laugh when Bucky tells them the story, Steve grimaces and elbows Bucky in the side, but he’s grinning, too. They buy cotton candy, two big ones, and share it between the four of them. Anne, the Morning girl, steals the last piece right as Bucky is reaching for it and skips a few feet away, giggling.

_Come and get it, soldier_ , she says, bright-eyed. She’s eaten it already, of course, but melted sugar clings to her mouth. Meredith, the Evening girl, has her arm hooked through Steve’s – which is easy and in fact comfortable, because Meredith is even shorter than Steve – and watches with a wide smile as Bucky plants a very gentlemanly kiss on Anne’s lips. Then Bucky and Anne come back, hands loosely clasped, and Bucky puts his free hand on the crook of Steve’s shoulder and kisses him in a decidedly less gentlemanly fashion, sticky sweet.

Meredith gets up on her tiptoes and kisses the corner of Anne’s mouth, her hand still in the crook of Steve’s elbow. She looks to him.

_I want to go dancing_ , she says.

After, Bucky and Steve amble back to Bucky’s apartment, kicking the occasional stone, lips stained with Anne’s lipstick, and their breath heavy with the cooling air. Their shoulders bump.

2\. _Do you think_ , Steve says quietly, _they could be it?_

_Who could be it?_ Bucky asks while he draws nonsense patterns on Steve’s bony shoulder with his thumb. Steve’s asthma isn’t as bad at the moment, so Bucky is still lying on top of Steve, his chest sticking to Steve’s back with sweat.

_Meredith_ , says Steve. _And Anne._

Anne is a librarian, and she’s taking art classes on the side. She’s taller than Steve, but not quite as tall as Bucky. She chews a lot of gum, and Meredith tends to keep a few extra in her pockets for her. Meredith works at a bank, she keeps her hair high, in tight curls, and when she’s not working she likes to wear dresses with flower patterns. Meredith has a sun disk necklace Anne gave her four years ago, when they were nineteen and twenty-one. Meredith usually doesn’t wear lipstick, but half the time her mouth is the same color as Anne’s anyway.

(Meredith is Evening, Anne is Morning. They want to get married; they’re just looking for the right men.)

Bucky hums thoughtfully. _Maybe_. He kisses the nape of Steve’s neck, stretches a bit to reach Steve’s cheek, and Steve shifts under him until Bucky reaches his mouth.

_Maybe they are._

3\. Then, Bucky gets the call to ship out.

_Be careful_ , Steve tells Bucky when they pull apart from the hug. And--

_Don’t win the war till I get there_ , Steve calls after him. Bucky turns around again, hesitates. He makes an aborted gesture with his right hand, like a salute, but instead--instead he steps right up to Steve again, calls him an asshole and kisses him, deep, one arm slung around Steve’s skinny shoulders. Steve grabs him right back, fingers bunching into the neat fabric of Bucky’s uniform. Bucky doesn’t let him go for almost a minute.

Then, Abraham Erskine asks Steve Rogers if he wants to kill Nazis.

4\. Peggy Carter can throw a punch, Peggy is competent and wears deep red lipstick and nail polish like it’s weaponry, Peggy looks at Steve like she believes in him, even with his skinny shoulders. The look doesn’t change when his shoulders aren’t so skinny anymore.

Steve gets a heady flutter in his belly when he thinks about her. It’s--

He wasn’t sure with Meredith, and with Bucky he was never not sure. But he thinks, with Peggy--

He thinks Bucky would like her.

Then: _Your audience contained what is left of the 107th._

5\. _Just go, get out!_ Steve yells.

_No! Not without you!_ Bucky yells back.

Underneath them, an inferno blazes. Steve jumps.

6\. Peggy Carter is Evening moiety.

_Don’t you like music?_ Bucky asks. He’s a little unsteady on his feet because he’s half drunk, because he was tortured for weeks and then spent a night walking thirty-five miles through dirt and snow and he still hasn’t gotten a full night’s sleep since. Also because Steve kissed him for the first time since the World Expo, after he asked if Steve was going to keep the uniform.

_I do, actually_ , Peggy says, and she’s looking at Steve. _I might even, when this is all over, go dancing._

_Then what are we waiting for?_

_The right--partners_ , she says. She looks from Steve, to Bucky. Her smile changes a little, but it stays as sincere, and as red as her dress. Steve and Bucky look at each other. Steve is blushing, his entire face glowing with it. Bucky, who has been smiling only with his mouth until now--

7\. Steve gets a room to his own, Captain’s privileges, which is fortunate because Bucky starts pawing at him pretty much immediately after Peggy leaves the bar.

_Bucky, you need sleep_ , he says right as Bucky lets himself collapse onto Steve’s bed and drags Steve down with him. Bucky swats the back of Steve’s head.

_Fucking Christ, Rogers_ , Bucky mutters, _is the height getting to you? I just--I want--_

_Okay_ , Steve says. _Okay_. He manages to get Bucky’s shoes off, then his own, and then they squeeze themselves onto the narrow bed, Steve half on top of Bucky. It’s a half, and back in Brooklyn, in Steve’s cramped apartment, they used to do this often; sleep in the same half bed. It worked, because Steve was very small, and Bucky didn’t move much in his sleep.

(Steve isn’t small anymore.)

_You’re warm_ , Bucky mumbles, face buried in Steve’s shoulder.

_You’re drunk_ , Steve says. _Lightweight_. Bucky laughs hoarsely and swats him again. From outside, muffled conversations filter in. Inside Steve’s room, it’s quiet for a long time.

_Steve_ , Bucky says quietly.

_Hm_?

Bucky swallows. Steve can feel his chest move with it.

_I don’t think I know how to fall in love with anyone but you_ , Bucky says, not a bit slurred.

Steve gets up on his elbows. Bucky looks horribly sober. Steve doesn’t even know what to say at first--

_We’ll find someone_ , he manages eventually. Bucky laughs again, the sound painful.

_I don’t_. He licks his cracked lips, looks past Steve’s head, over Steve’s shoulder. _I don’t want to. Steve, I don’t want you to fall in love with--_

8\. Bucky Barnes is Evening, Steve Rogers is Morning, Peggy Carter is Evening. Peggy says that she likes music and that she might even, once the war is over, go dancing. She’s just waiting for the right partners. She’s looking at Steve while she says it, and then she smiles at Bucky. Bucky, who has been smiling only with his mouth until now--

9\. Steve asks Bucky, _What about Anne?_ Bucky kissed her, and smiled at her, and danced with her like he danced with Steve, and when Steve had asked him if he thought that Meredith and Anne could be the right women, Bucky had said--

\--maybe.

What about Lucille, the girl from the flower shop three streets over? Bucky had a crush on her for almost seven months when they were nineteen. What about--

_Maybe I've always been like this_ , Bucky hisses. _How should I know? How should I know, when I've never had to share you?_

( _Until_ _now_ , he doesn’t say.)

Steve doesn’t know what to say, so he kisses Bucky. Bucky grabs him and kisses him back, but he doesn’t stop talking, muffled, the words half mangled between their lips.

_I don’t want you to fall in love with Peggy; I don’t want you to fall in love with_ anyone _else--_

_We’ll find someone_ , Steve gets out. In his belly, it feels like someone is twisting at his insides. Bucky slings his arms around Steve’s shoulders, shoulders that aren’t so skinny anymore. The imprisonment, the torture, the war, they have worn--

Bucky feels small under Steve. Words spill out of him, like his cracked lips can’t hold them.

_Don’t fall in love with her; please don’t fall in love with her--_

10\. Bucky Barnes was Evening, Steve Rogers was Morning, Peggy Carter is Evening. Rumor had it that once the war was over, they would have married, if they had found the right Morning woman.

(That’s what the exhibit in the Smithsonian says, anyway.)


	3. Chapter 3

1\. Bucky Barnes is Morning moiety, Steve Rogers is Morning. They have been best friends since childhood.

Since they were eighteen-and-a-half, Bucky has been finding Evening girls and boys who have a friend who is also Evening, and are willing to go on double dates with Bucky Barnes, Morning moiety, and his friend whom Bucky has described as Morning, decent, sweet, dependable.

_What did you tell them about me?_

_Only the good stuff._

Once, an Evening girl tells Steve, _Well, he wasn’t exaggerating about you being decent_. Steve suspects she doesn’t mean it as a compliment, but he smiles like it is.

Once, an Evening boy tells Steve, _You’re a sweet one, aren’t you_. It sounds like a compliment, it sounds like flirting, but less than half an hour later the boy tugs on Bucky’s tie and spends the half hour after that kissing Bucky.

_We’ll find someone_ , Bucky tells him once, when they come home late to Bucky’s place, a little drunk, Steve with hunched shoulders and Bucky with his arm thrown over Steve’s shoulders.

Steve sighs and sways against Bucky’s side.

2\. In Steve’s cramped little apartment in Brooklyn, Steve sometimes sits on the fire escape, legs dangling, and sketches. Bucky gets two beers and a blanket and joins him because Steve, despite his thin frame, doesn’t always notice when he gets cold. Steve’s fingers are icy when Bucky takes them and rubs them between his own hands to warm them.

_I swear to god_ , Bucky mutters, _the cold is gonna get you before asthma or picking fights with guys twice your size ever will, you stubborn prick._

Steve grins and calls him a jerk. There is charcoal on his fingertips and dark blood in the corner of his mouth from two days ago, when he got his lip split because he wouldn't back down from a fight.

They drink their beers, shoulders pressed up against each other under the blanket. Steve has his sketchpad lying next to him and his charcoal sticks in a neat little box on top of it. Bucky got him those a few months ago when he managed to get a bunch of money at once, from an odd job and a bit of hustle. He spent most of it on food and a new coat, and the rest went into a little carton of decent charcoal sticks that are of a far better quality than Steve can usually afford. By now, there are mostly stumps left.

They drink their beers and when they are done, Steve sets his beer down next to his sketchpad and the box of charcoal sticks. Bucky keeps his beer bottle in his lap and fiddles with the label, scratching at the edges of it.

There was charcoal on Steve's fingertips, and Bucky now has dark smudges on his palms, so the beer label turns grey in the white places.

Steve leans more heavily against Bucky's shoulder.

_You drunk already?_ Bucky snorts. _Lightweight_.

_Piss off_ , Steve grunts. _I'm not drunk. 'M not even dizzy. You're the drunk one_. He's smiling, eyes closed, and his head rests on Bucky's shoulder.

Bucky leans down and kisses him, carefully.

Steve freezes.

Bucky pulls back, looks down at the beer bottle with the smudged label in his lap. He says, _Sorry. Sorry, I--_

Steve doesn't say anything. He lifts his head from Bucky’s shoulder and doesn't move away.

3\. Two months later, Bucky is bent over Steve’s shoulder, examining the sketches Steve allowed him to see. He tells Steve that they’re really good, and then, quieter, that it’s a damn shame they don’t have the money for Steve to go to a proper art college, he’d be so good at it--

The collar of Bucky’s shirt is gaping open and behind his ear is still a bit of shaving cream. He smells like soap. Steve has charcoal and pencil stains on his hands, and in the middle of complimenting Steve’s sketches, Bucky comments that Steve desperately needs a shower.

Two months later, Steve kisses Bucky back.

4\. Steve is Morning, Bucky is Morning. Out on the fire escape of Steve’s cramped little apartment, Bucky kisses Steve, carefully. Two months later, Steve kisses Bucky back, and then they keep kissing.

In Steve's cramped little apartment in Brooklyn, there is a half bed, and Steve starts to pull at Bucky's jacket. Steve is very small, so he fits easily on the bed, and it still fits with Bucky kneeling between Steve's legs. Bucky kisses his way down Steve's naked, heaving chest. Steve grabs at Bucky, at his shoulders, at his hands that are on Steve's chest, at his messy hair, at the back of his neck.

_Oh god_ , Steve breathes thinly, near inaudible, because the walls are thin and the neighbors know him – good kid, polite and helpful, gets sick often, lucky he's got a friend looking out for him – _oh god, Bucky. Bucky, Bucky, oh god don’t stop--_

5\. Bucky is Morning, Steve is Morning, and Bucky bites down on his fist when Steve nudges his thighs apart to kiss him there, because the walls are thin and the neighbors know them.

6\. _Don’t win the war till I get there_ , Steve calls after him. Bucky turns around again and salutes, his mouth a tight line.

Then, Abraham Erskine asks Steve Rogers if he wants to kill Nazis.

7\. Peggy Carter can throw a punch, Peggy is competent and wears deep red lipstick and nail polish like it’s weaponry, Peggy looks at Steve like she believes in him, even with his skinny shoulders.

Steve gets a heady flutter in his belly when she looks at him like that. When he thinks about her it feels like--

Peggy Carter is Evening moiety.

8\. Abraham Erskine tells Steve that Steve has to promise him something; that Steve will stay who he is – not a perfect soldier, but a good man.

(Colonel Phillips throws a grenade between several soldiers. After he shouts the warning, the soldiers scramble but two people move towards the grenade. Steve throws his body down on top of it and yells for everyone else to get away, to get--)

(Steve is Morning, Bucky is Morning. Bucky kisses his way down Steve's naked, heaving chest. Steve grabs at Bucky, and breathes his name, and begs him--)

9\. _Don’t you like music?_ Bucky asks. He’s a little unsteady on his feet because he’s half drunk, because he was tortured for weeks and then spent a night walking thirty-five miles through dirt and snow and he still hasn’t gotten a full night’s sleep since.

_I do, actually_ , Peggy says, and she’s looking at Steve. _I might even, when this is all over, go dancing._

_Then what are we waiting for?_

_The right--partners_ , she says. She keeps looking at Steve, who is blushing.

Bucky, who has been smiling only with his mouth until now--

When Peggy turns to leave, her eyes glance over Bucky. Glance, and--

10\. Peggy Carter owns a dress that is nearly the same shade of deep red as her lipstick and nail polish. It’s tightly cut and difficult to hike up over her thighs, but--

_Steve’s the decent one_ , Bucky said. _What about you?_

Peggy is Evening, Bucky is Morning, Steve’s the decent one, and Bucky gets on his knees in front of Peggy and helps her hike her dress up, and then he kisses her between her thighs. Peggy bites down on her bottom lip so she’s quiet because the walls are thin, there are people only a few rooms over, and the door--it doesn’t lock, not really.

Steve is quiet, too, when he sees them, Bucky’s face half hidden between Peggy’s thighs, and her hand on his dark, messy hair. Steve steps right up to them, they notice him, they go still.

Steve’s the decent one, and he says, in a voice that sounds like he went back to being asthmatic, _Afterwards, may I--_

Afterwards, Bucky gets up and wipes his mouth. Steve is Morning, Bucky is Morning, and Steve stares at Bucky’s wet mouth like a starved man. Peggy is Evening, and she sees him staring. Peggy is Evening, and Steve gets on his knees in front of her and Bucky helps her hike her dress all the way up over her hips so Steve can put his mouth where Bucky’s was a minute ago, and his fingers.

11\. The war, HYDRA, Armin Zola. The train.

The train, a bombed out bar--

_It wasn’t your fault_ , Peggy tells Steve.

Steve is crying, and he gets out, _You know that’s not true. You know--_

(Steve stares at Bucky’s wet mouth like a starved man. Peggy sees him staring.)

Peggy is quiet for a long, long time. Then she asks him, _Did you believe in your friend? Did you trust him?_

Steve looks at her, his eyes red and wet.

Peggy tells him that Barnes must have damn well thought he was worth it.

12\. Steve Rogers was Morning moiety, Bucky Barnes was also Morning. They were American patriots, they were heroes, they died for their country--

(In the fifties, there is an interview with one Agent Peggy Carter. She is asked about Captain Rogers, and the only one of the Howling Commandos who lost his life in the line of duty, and she says--

_They were good men. They died to save the lives of countless people_.)

\--is what the exhibit in the Smithsonian says.


	4. Chapter 4

1\. Bucky Barnes is Morning moiety, Steve Rogers is Morning. They have been best friends since childhood.

Bucky has been setting Steve up for dates – half, double, on one occasion even a full one – since they were seventeen. Steve gripes about it, tells Bucky that he can find people just fine by himself to take them out to the movies, dancing, Coney Island, milkshakes and--

 _We’re eighteen_ , Bucky says, _No one goes out for_ milkshakes _anymore, Stevie._

 _Fuck you_ , Steve replies, with a grin he doesn’t bother to hide. Bucky laughs and slings one arm around Steve’s skinny shoulders, drags him close to his side so Steve’s face gets a little squashed up against Bucky’s shoulder.

 _We’ll find you someone, just wait_ , he tells Steve.

2\. In Steve’s cramped little apartment in Brooklyn, Steve sometimes sits on the fire escape, legs dangling, and sketches. Bucky gets two beers and a blanket and joins him because Steve, despite his thin frame, doesn’t always notice when he gets cold. Steve puts the sketchpad away and they drink their beers and afterwards, Steve leans into Bucky's side, his head resting on Bucky's shoulder.

_You drunk already? Lightweight._

_Piss off, I'm not drunk. ‘M not even dizzy. You’re the drunk one._

Steve's head is resting on Bucky's shoulder; Steve is smiling, eyes closed.

Bucky leans down and kisses him, carefully.

Steve freezes.

Bucky pulls back, looks down at the beer bottle with the smudged label in his lap. He says, _Sorry. Sorry, I shouldn’t have--_

Steve doesn't say anything. He lifts his head from Bucky’s shoulder, and then he takes Bucky’s beer bottle and puts it next to his own beside the sketchpad. He gets up, makes a small noise because he’s been sitting in the cold for too long and his joints have grown stiff – Bucky’s glance flicks to him at that, lingers half a second –, picks up the sketchpad and the little box of charcoals and the bottles and climbs back inside through the window. Bucky can hear him cursing when he nearly loses his balance once inside, and then how he puts down the sketchpad, the box of charcoals, the bottles, on the little uneven desk Steve keeps next to the window.

The blanket is still mostly around Bucky’s shoulders, except for his uncovered left arm where Steve was sitting a moment ago. The first hint of gooseflesh rises on Bucky’s skin when Steve leans as far as he can out the window and tugs at Bucky’s shoulder and tells him to get his ass inside, it’s cold, wasn’t Bucky the one complaining about that two minutes ago?

Bucky hesitates and looks over his shoulder at Steve. Steve’s cheeks are a little blood-flushed, but he doesn’t seem angry, or--

The kid gets exhausted ridiculously easy, and Bucky tells him so while he clambers inside the apartment, the blanket bunched under his arm. Steve snorts something derisive and moves around Bucky to close the window and then he says, _Out on the fire escape, you stupid fucking--_

Bucky is almost a head taller than Steve, so Steve grabs the lapels of Bucky’s shirt and goes up on his tiptoes to kiss him. Bucky makes a small, breathy noise against Steve’s mouth.

3\. They keep kissing. Steve’s bed is small and narrow, a half, but they both can fit onto it when Steve spreads his legs wide so Bucky can kneel between his feet, bent forward over Steve’s chest. He opens Steve’s shirt and pushes up the undershirt.

Then he kisses his way down Steve's naked, heaving chest. Steve grabs at Bucky; at his shoulders, at his hands that are on Steve's chest, at his messy hair, at the back of his neck, and whispers Bucky’s name over and over. Whispers, because the walls are thin and the neighbors know him, because--

He rasps that there is a word for this, for the way Bucky is kissing him and that Bucky has to know, he has to know--

Bucky wipes his hand across his wet mouth, then crawls up Steve’s body and tells him that he knows, and that he wants to kiss Steve again, anyway, and yes, he knows. He knows, he knows and he doesn’t--

4\. Bucky is Morning, Steve is Morning, and Bucky bites down on his fist when Steve nudges his thighs apart to kiss him there, because the walls are thin and the neighbors know them.

Afterwards--

5\. They still go on dates, because--

Habit, maybe. Bucky has been setting Steve up for dates since they were seventeen.

They still go on dates, because--

There’s a word for the way Bucky kisses Steve in the small, practically non-existent hallway of his apartment, where there are no windows and the door is locked. There’s a word for the way Steve doesn’t let him go for long minutes, and pushes his hands under Bucky’s shirt while they kiss. There is a word for--

They still go on dates, because--

( _Maybe we’ll find someone._ )

6\. Then, the war. Bucky gets the call to ship out, a neat uniform along with it. _Sergeant James Barnes, shipping out for England first thing tomorrow--_

 _Don’t win the war till I get there_ , Steve calls after him. Bucky turns around again and salutes, his mouth a tight line.

(His mouth, with which he had kissed the split lip Steve had managed to acquire by being a stubborn little shit and not backing down from fights with guys who were nearly twice his size.)

Then, Abraham Erskine asks Steve Rogers if he wants to kill Nazis.

7\. Peggy Carter can throw a punch, she is competent and wears deep red lipstick and nail polish like it’s weaponry, Peggy looks at Steve like she believes in him, even with his skinny shoulders. Steve gets a heady flutter in his belly when he thinks about her. It’s--

Peggy Carter is Evening moiety.

8\. Abraham Erskine tells Steve Rogers that Steve has to promise him something: That he will remain who he is – not a perfect soldier, but a good man.

A good man walks into a HYDRA base, alone, with nothing but a shield and a helmet he borrowed from one of the chorus girls, to save what is left of the 107th.

Peggy Carter tells Colonel Phillips that it’s not a crush; she has faith in Captain Rogers.

A good man saves what is left of the 107th and brings them--

9\. Peggy Carter is Evening moiety.

 _Don’t you like music?_ Bucky asks. He’s a little unsteady on his feet because he’s half drunk, because he was tortured for weeks and then spent a night walking thirty-five miles through dirt and snow and he still hasn’t gotten a full night’s sleep since.

 _I do, actually_ , Peggy says, and she’s looking at Steve. _I might even, when this is all over, go dancing._ Peggy is wearing a dress, tightly cut, that is nearly the same deep shade of red as her lipstick and nail polish.

_Then what are we waiting for?_

_The right partners_ , she says. She keeps looking at Steve, who is blushing. After a moment, Steve and Bucky glance at each other. Bucky, who has been smiling only with his mouth until now--

10\. Steve has a room for his own, Captain’s privileges. The walls are thin, but the door locks, mostly. Bucky is clawing at Steve’s shoulders and back, shoulders that aren’t so skinny anymore. In comparison, the imprisonment, the torture, the war, they have worn--

Bucky feels small under Steve.

 _I thought you were dead_ , Steve whispers, not for the first time. Bucky arches, stifles a gasp against the damp skin of Steve’s neck, because Steve’s warm hand is moving between his legs. They cling to each other and try not to move too much because the bed creaks, but Steve thought Bucky was dead and Bucky thought he would never see Steve again, and they--

The bed creaks. It’s louder than their ragged breathing, and the rustling of their clothes.

 _I don’t--I don’t like how she looks at you_ , Bucky manages, throaty. Steve’s hand goes still.

He says, _You said we’d find someone for me._

Bucky makes a noise that could be laughter, but it sounds pained. He grabs Steve and drags him up to kiss him again.

The walls are thin. The bed creaks as Steve scoots down Bucky’s body and settles with his shoulders between Bucky’s thighs, and Bucky breathes Steve’s name, overwhelmed, more than once, before he thinks to muffle it. The door locks--

The door locks, but the bolt is loose, the doorframe is old and warped, and there is a gap that is just wide enough to see inside the room. There is a gap between the door and the frame, and it fills up with deep red.

\--mostly.

11\. _Steve’s the decent one_ , Bucky says to Peggy. _He’s a good man--_

There’s a word for the way Bucky has been kissing his best friend. Peggy looks like she might want to use it, like she--

 _He is_ , Peggy agrees.

12\. A mountainside in the alps. The cold, the wind, a few errant snowflakes that get caught in their hair. Below, the bridge for the train--

The train, a bombed out bar--

 _It wasn’t your fault_ , Peggy tells Steve.

Steve is crying and he says, _You know that’s not true._

Peggy is quiet for a long, long time. Eventually, she tells Steve that whatever he thinks, it wasn’t punishment. She says that Barnes made a choice, and Steve has to respect that.

_He must have damn well thought you were worth it._

13\. Some time after the war, Agent Peggy Carter is interviewed about the man Captain America was, about Steve Rogers. She tells the story of how in the winter of 1944, Captain Rogers had saved half a battalion that had been trapped behind enemy lines, and that among those almost thousand men he saved were the two that would later become Peggy Carter’s husbands.

 _He was a good man_ , Peggy says. _He saved many lives, and died saving even more._

At some point she is asked about James Barnes, the only one of the Howling Commandos to die in the line of duty. Peggy hesitates. It is not one of the agreed-upon questions.

(The war is won, and Peggy wears deep red lipstick and nail polish like it’s weaponry.)

Eventually, she says that he was also a good man, and that he, like Captain Rogers, died to save lives.

14\. Peggy Carter is Evening moiety, Steve Rogers was Morning, Bucky Barnes was also Morning.

In the Smithsonian exhibit on Captain America, there’s an interview with Peggy Carter from the fifties. In it, she calls Captain Rogers _Steve_ , more than once. Rumor had it that Agent Carter and Captain Rogers were sweet on each other, that maybe after the war--

( _They were good, brave men._ )

Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes were American patriots, they were heroes, they died for their country.


	5. Chapter 5

1\. Bucky Barnes is Evening moiety, Steve Rogers is Evening. They have been best friends since childhood.

When Steve’s mother dies of tuberculosis, after the service and the funeral, Bucky looks for Steve at the cemetery because his folks want to give Steve a ride home. Steve isn’t there, but Bucky finds him in front of the cramped little apartment that Steve and his mother had been living in for the past few years. They walk the staircase up to the door together, one after the other, and Steve’s elbow bumps against Bucky’s shoulder with every step. Steve has his head down, and he doesn’t turn to look at Bucky.

 _I looked for you afterwards_ , Bucky says, _My folks wanted--_

 _I know, ‘m sorry_ , Steve mutters, shoulders hunched. _It’s just--I kinda wanted to be alone._

The apartment is small and was cramped for two people, even family, and is nothing close to big for one, but still… Steve doesn’t have a steady income and grief bows his spine like a weight, so Bucky offers that Steve could move in with him, it would be fun, they could put the couch cushions on the floor like when they were kids--

_All you gotta do is shine my shoes once in a while, maybe take out the trash._

Steve doesn’t say anything. When they reach the door, Bucky watches silently while Steve rummages around in the pockets of his too-large coat for the key until Bucky kicks aside the brick under which Steve keeps the spare, and bends down to pick it up. Steve’s fingers shake a little as he makes to grab it, so Bucky takes Steve’s hand and presses the key into his palm.

Steve twists the key between his fingers for a moment before he turns around, fumbles the key into the lock and opens it. His shoulders straighten visibly and he turns around, finally meets Bucky’s eyes.

 _Thank you, Buck_ , he says seriously, _But I can get by on my own._

Bucky looks down at their shoes with a breath.

 _The thing is_ , he says, _You don’t have to. I’m with you till the end of the line, pal_.

He puts his hand on the crook of Steve’s shoulder and his thumb presses a little into the dip above Steve’s collarbone, warm. Steve swallows. Bucky can feel the tendons of his throat move with it.

Steve drops his head and exhales slowly; starts to smile a little, although pained.

 _I mean it, you don’t have to deal with this alone_ , Bucky says quietly and starts to take his hand away again but Steve puts--

2\. Sometimes, when Steve’s mother was still capable of working late and the sky was clear and the air not too cold, Steve would, after he had made dinner and put it on a plate for her to find, bread and cheese, beets, potatoes, beans, bacon when they could afford it--

He would climb out through the window and sit on the fire escape to sketch in the glow of sunset. When Bucky was there, he’d follow right after with a blanket and sometimes a beer he managed to sneak from somewhere, because Steve, despite his thin frame, doesn’t always notice when he gets cold.

Bucky would rub Steve’s hands between his own to warm them up again and he’d get charcoal and pencil stains all over his palms, and he’d complain that Steve was a stubborn shit who’d get himself dead from pneumonia before anything else and where--

Five months ago, they sat huddled under a blanket out on the fire escape, shoulders pressed up against the other, and Bucky kept Steve’s hands between his palms for long minutes, and he muttered that when Steve got himself dead from the cold where would that leave Sarah and him, huh? Who would prepare dinner for Sarah when she came home dead on her feet from longer and longer shifts at the TB ward, who would--

And Steve--

Steve put his pencil-stained hand on the side of Bucky’s face--

3\. --Steve puts his hand over Bucky’s and walks backwards through the unlocked door. When it closes, it’s because Steve and Bucky’s combined weight is pushing against it from the inside.

Bucky tells Steve, voice low and cracked, _You’re a terrible kisser._

Steve smiles like it hurts him. _I have a shitty teacher_ , he replies just as quietly and drags Bucky in again by the lapels of his shirt.

4\. There’s a Morning girl who works in a flower shop three streets over. Her name is Lucille, and she has a crush on Bucky for almost four months. She even has an older brother, and tradition sends them looking for suitable partners together. Bucky goes out with them two times, comes back each time smelling of black elder, roses and carnations, but nothing comes of it.

Steve meets Anne through an art class; Anne, who is Morning, a librarian, who has one half of a sundisk necklace she got with the Evening girl she wants to marry one day. Anne is almost as tall as Bucky and Steve makes a noise in his throat when she kisses the corner of his mouth one day after class, quite chastely, she was aiming for his cheek, she says she’s sorry but if he’d like a proper repeat--

Anne is almost as tall as Bucky. Steve is blushing hotly, but inside he feels--

Nothing comes of it.

5\. The walls are always thin. They learn to be quiet, and quick, and that a boiling kettle muffles the sound of ragged breathing well, and that often the floorboards creak less than the bed.

6\. Then, the war.

Bucky’s neatly pressed uniform, the hat, the belt at the waist that makes his shoulders look even wider. _You get your orders?_

_Sergeant James Barnes, shipping out for England first thing tomorrow--_

Then, Abraham Erskine asks Steve Rogers if he wants to kill Nazis.

7\. Agent Carter can throw a punch, she is competent and wears deep red lipstick and nail polish like it’s weaponry, she looks at Steve like she believes in him, even with his skinny shoulders. The look doesn’t change when his shoulders aren’t so skinny anymore.

Steve gets a heady flutter in his belly when she looks at him like that. It feels like--

Agent Carter is Evening moiety.

8\. A good man walks into a HYDRA base with nothing but the shield on his back and a helmet he borrowed from one of the chorus girls, and saves more than a hundred men.

A good man asks a few of the men he saved and his best friend if they are willing to follow Captain America into the jaws of death.

A good man--

9\. Peggy Carter does, in fact, own a tightly cut, deep red dress, but she doesn’t wear it when she goes to inform Captain Rogers that Mister Stark has some prototypes he’d like Captain Rogers to test, tomorrow at 0800.

Steve thanks her, and his cheeks go a little pink. He has been buying drinks for some of the men he saved from the HYDRA base, and now he’s sitting with Bucky at the bar, and is watching him knock back another drink.

 _You might want to be careful that your friend doesn’t drink himself to death_ , Peggy tells Steve, smiling slightly. Steve smiles, too, and says that he will. When he looks at Bucky, who is eyeing the bottom of his glass, his smile grows very soft.

10\. _I thought you were dead_ , Steve says, for what is far from the first time. His voice is shaking. _Buck, I thought you were_ dead _\--_

Steve has a room for his own, Captain’s privileges. The walls are thin, but the door locks, mostly. They’ve been pawing at each other since it fell closed, and now Bucky is straddling Steve’s lap and is kissing him, messily. The bed creaks under their combined, shifting weight. There’s a word for this, for what they are doing--

 _Bucky_ , Steve whispers, like he is hurting, _Bucky, oh god,_ Bucky _\--_

Bucky is bruised all over, worn thin from the war and the imprisonment and the torture, but he thought he would never see Steve again, and he whispers, frantic, that he thought HYDRA had taken this from him, that they had made him--

The bed creaks louder when Steve puts one hand between Bucky’s legs. Loud enough, maybe, that--

The walls are thin. The door locks--

\--mostly.

11\. A man says, _We cannot court martial Captain America. Think of how that would_ look _\--_

A man says, _Are you saying I’m to let sacrilege go unpunished?_

A man says, _Barnes ain’t Captain America._

At this point, Agent Carter cuts in and explains, calmly, what Steve Rogers would do if they tried to court martial James Barnes for sacrilege. Most of them don’t believe her.

12\. A tank, going up in flames. A factory, reduced to rubble. A transport, blown to pieces. HYDRA has many heads, but they are getting burnt, one by one.

A train, in winter, in the mountains. The cold, the wind; below, the bridge for the train--

The train, a bombed out bar.

A bombed out bar, a beer and a glass of something that is very nearly rubbing alcohol. Steve is crying. Steve--

Steve says very quietly, voice cracked, that it’s been months since he kissed Bucky, and if this was supposed to be punishment, it comes too damned late. Peggy is silent for a long time. Eventually, she tells him that Barnes had made a choice, knowing the risks, and Steve has to allow him that dignity.

Steve looks up at her.

13\. (Agent Carter was right, so--

\--a compromise had to be found.)

14\. Peggy Carter is Evening moiety, Steve Rogers was--

Bucky Barnes was--

Steve Rogers was an American patriot, a hero who fought valiantly, and died bravely, to defend his country.

In the Smithsonian exhibit on Captain America, in the section about the Howling Commandos, there is a short piece of film: black-and-white, mute, of Steve Rogers in his Captain America uniform, and Bucky Barnes in a ragged henley with the chain of his dog tags visible. They’re both smiling and then Bucky says something and starts to laugh, and Steve turns towards him with his smile widening and he looks at Bucky like--

The official SSR records state that Peggy Carter is Evening moiety. Steve Rogers was also Evening moiety, and Bucky Barnes was--

Bucky Barnes was Morning, wasn’t he?


End file.
